Open Space

"All loss creates the open space out of which birth arises." - James Finley, Christian Meditation

Rob is home from the hospital. Amazing! He was supposed to go to ICU last night but was doing so well (thanks to super-support, love and prayers from all of you and a very healthy and strong body from him) that he went to a regular room and was able to come home today. He was in surgery for five hours, and while there were no complications, there was much more cancer than they thought, extending deep into his chest cavity in addition to the mass in his neck and thyroid. Hopefully it is all gone - we won't know for some weeks/months down the line. His voice is soft and husky, and there is a distinct possibility that it will remain that way. We don't know that either.

I am increasingly aware that everything is changeable, everything is possible, and the tapes that loop in our heads are not even the beginning of the real story. So we are in this "cancer" scenario, but what it really looks like to me is divine perfection. It looks like grace and beauty and peace. And not because he is home, or because it is gone (or not) or because he might not have his voice (or might). It is that way because we are here choosing the experiences we have because our souls want them. This is my experience, and I have no need for it to be anyone else's. I only know that when I see through this wide open lens, I know it isn't about Christine and Rob and doctors and friends and diseases and wellness. It is, very simply, about being. It is about loving, and knowing the love of God in every second of every moment of every day. That is the truth for me.

Who knows what is through that little hole in the leaf? Who knows what something means or brings? We all assign meaning to the "story," but it is just that, our opinions, which we all know are not truth. I know that being is what feels true to me - not my idea about it, or what it means, or how it turns out. Just being and loving. And that, my dear, sweet, amazing friends, is what we're doing here with you. And I'm so glad.