Healing Journey

 

Today's entry is much longer than usual. Ready for a ride? For a while I've felt the prompt to share my own journey of healing with the hope that others might find assistance or direction with their own challenges. So this post is for anyone who needs healing. It's for you if you suffer from chronic pain or care about someone who does. It’s for you if you feel like there is no solution to your problem. It’s for you if you don’t want to accept your diagnosis or situation as “the way it is.” It’s for you if you’re interested in an alternative approach to what ails our bodies and beings.

Two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I went to the doctor thinking maybe I was suffering from early arthritis, a condition that runs in my family. After a strange and sudden initial onset where for a week or so I couldn’t move my head or neck without extreme pain (I thought I must have slept on it really, really wrong) I developed joint pain in my knees, shoulders and wrists. Over time my shoulder joints and blades ached while my neck and the back of my head continued to be very sore and stiff. My wrists hurt enough that holding a large skillet in one hand was nearly impossible. Conducting my choir hurt my arms and shoulders, and my legs hurt so much that walking the dogs could make me cry.

The doctor performed an exam on me, applying pressure with her fingertips on various points on my body. Almost every one of them was very tender, and I remarked that she was pointing out pain I didn’t even know I had. She said, “Do you know what I’m going to tell you?” I answered no. “Are you sure? You haven’t been reading about it on the internet?” I told her I had no idea. She said I fit the clinical diagnosis of fibromyalgia. What? She told me I didn’t fit the profile of a fibro sufferer at all, and more than that, I was her “healthy patient!” She also told me there was nothing to be done about it, that usually once you have it you have it for life, and that it is progressive. She could prescribe drugs that might help – pain killers and muscle relaxants for starters. I decided not to accept any of this as true for me, decided I had a temporary condition, and set about finding the way forward. Interestingly, at the end of the appointment she added that for some reason she didn’t think I would have it forever.

Today I am pain-free most days. When I do have pain, it is faint and temporary. I know that my case of this particular ailment (which I chose to refer to as muscle and joint pain rather than by the label of a disease) was at its worst much milder than what many endure. I also know that our stories are still somehow the same regardless of the details, as pain (whether it be physical, mental, or spiritual) is, at its root, information for our benefit. Our bodies (and beings) don’t lie, and the reason for this 100% truthful and accurate information showing up is always for the greatest benefit of our soul.

I have categorized the various facets of my approach to my healing journey into three categories:

1)    Physical

2)    Energetic

3)    Psychological/Spiritual

I can’t say which of the things I tried were the keys that unlocked my healing. Intuitively I feel like they all played important parts, because I was led very clearly to each of them in their own time. As you move forward on your healing journey, I would encourage you to follow your own knowing above all. Follow the impulses and gentle nudges that appear in your world, through articles you read, conversations you have, research you do, or ideas that simply drop into your head. Listen for what is showing up around you to support you and show you the way. I’ve often noticed that when I get three “hits” of the same information, often through synchronicities or random occurrences, I know I am supposed to pay attention and take action. As my intuitive receptors have grown keener, I don’t need three prompts as often any more. I’ve come to know and recognize the feel of right alignment much more readily. It’s a fun journey! I should add that this kind of guidance is only as valuable as our willingness to take action and follow it. The more we do, the more it shows up louder and clearer.

One thing I know for sure, I am deeply grateful for having encountered this particular challenge. It has led me in so many directions I wouldn’t have pursued as passionately if I hadn’t been motivated by pain. Pain is an amazing motivator! I knew I wanted change, which meant I knew I would pay attention, respond and take action.

So here are some things that have helped me. As they say in 12-step programs, take what you like and leave the rest. If you get an energetic or intuitive “yes!” or “hm…” as you read, i.e. an interest or curiosity or nudge to find out more, check it out. You can google pretty much everything and everyone I reference. My experience with inner knowing is that it is 100% accurate. The only thing needing fine-tuning is our ability to receive and understand it, and then our willingness to follow through.

1) Physical

The first 6 months of my condition were just about getting through. I saw a naturopath and I began receiving acupuncture. The naturopath suggested I might have food sensitivities to wheat and dairy, but I wasn’t interested in eliminating these from my diet. He also suggested limiting my intake of night-shade foods which are indicated for inflammation. I did some detox work, but mostly felt discouraged. I briefly took the muscle relaxant and anti-inflammatory meds at night as prescribed by my doctor, but they caused acid reflux which had an adverse effect on my voice. Since I’m a professional singer, I decided I’d rather hurt than compromise my singing.

Then about 8 months in I participated in a detox yoga camp. This was the first major shift in my experience of pain. The camp consisted of an elimination diet (no red meat, refined sugar, caffeine, alcohol, grains, corn, dairy, potatoes, soda, or artificial sweeteners) and lots of foods helpful in cleaning out the system (ginger, cranberry juice, organic fruits and vegetables). We also gathered each morning at 6:30 AM for an hour and a half of yoga and meditative practice. After about 8 or 9 days on the diet, I realized my body felt noticeably better. So much better, that when I saw my naturopath later that week, he suggested I stay a full two weeks on the elimination diet and then add in the foods I had eliminated one at a time to see which, if any, triggered my symptoms. Wheat, dairy and corn all lit up my pain. This was discouraging to me, but now I was motivated. It was a learning process, discovering what I could eat, and I have just recently been able to re-introduce corn without much adverse effect. I have a suspicion that GMO’s are part of the issue, as well as chemical pesticides and herbicides.  It may be the way we grow those foods that is a problem for my body more so than the foods themselves. We have now nearly cut out processed foods completely, and eat mostly organic.

I also added a number of new things to my diet, as I was intuitively led to each one. I discovered kombucha, and now brew my own. I began drinking energy greens, which do wonders for maintaining a more alkaline ph balance in the body (I also added alkalizing drops to my water). I added supplements that made sense to me: fish oil, probiotic, and curcumin (I also take calcium since I am off dairy). Recently I began structuring the water I drink and shower with a structured water unit.

After the detox yoga camp, I tentatively began a regular yoga practice. It would be almost another year before I worked my way into a daily practice on my own. I also received regular chiropractic treatment which helped with my neck and head pain. Relaxation massage was also helpful. Regular acupuncture treatments also helped balance my body’s flow of energy, moving energy that was stuck, supporting me with more flow where it was weak. The acupuncture treatments include cupping which did wonders for my neck and shoulders, releasing tension and moving toxins through and out. Cupping was one of the best physical remedies I discovered for helping neck and shoulder tension.

My body also told me that it needed sun in the summer. I could feel the healing energy of the sun’s rays relaxing my muscles and contributing to my wellbeing. And finally, I discovered working with a foam roller. This was a huge benefit, as so much of my pain seemed to be in the fascia. The foam roller loosens the fascia and helps move stagnant blood in the tissues. After a full class with the foam roller, I felt my body saying, “Yes! Finally!” I will talk a bit more about the fascia in the psychological portion.

2) Energetic

I have been in the field of energy medicine as a practitioner and teacher for many years. I am a Reiki master and more recently (in the past two years) have been trained in Quantum Energetics. I regularly used these modalities on myself. I also learned Spring Forest Qi Gong from master Chunyi Lin. In addition I used many of Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine techniques on myself. I always followed my inner knowing about what to use when, and found that information would appear in proportion to my openness, receptivity, and need.

I also was blessed to receive energy work from some amazing healers. Most I experienced through their free, online webinars, along with some in person work. Online I have encountered Rikka Zimmerman, Kenji Kumara, Mahendra Trevedi, Chunyi Lin, Jo Dunning, Jacqueline Joy, Panache Desai, and Maureen Moss. My Quantum Energetics training came in person from Jo Dunning, and I studied further with Mahendra Trevedi, Maureen Moss and Rikka Zimmerman. I also connected with Eric Altman (both one on one and in a group setting). He is probably one of the most powerful energy healers I’ve ever known.

My daily meditation time often includes energy work as well as the essential practice of encountering my true self, probably the most healing process of all. More about that below.

We also got an earthing sheet for our bed which helps ground our energy fields while we sleep. Both my husband and I noticed a difference right away when we first used it. It’s hard to say what the long-term benefits are, but it feels like a supportive piece in the puzzle.

  

3) Psychological/Spiritual

This component feels like the golden ticket to me, the key that unlocks and ultimately shifts the most. My understanding is that everything is energy, we are all vibration, and everything in our physical world exists first in the invisible, energetic realm of vibration before it ever manifests into tangible form. Our minds are a kind of middle-woman in this process, a place where energy becomes thought which then becomes matter. The mind can also be a fierce strong-arm in keeping us from leading our lives from the energy of our hearts, where all of the magic, power, and grace is. It's where the truth of our being is, as well. So what I have learned in this area has been a profound part of the healing process.

I joined a meditation and process group led by Eric Altman where, after an hour of meditating and receiving an energy transmission, we all dove into whatever came up for us. Here are things I learned here:

I lived with a basic resistance to a huge percentage of my life’s experience, i.e. anything that was unpleasant, painful, conflict-oriented, or ugly. I had trapped emotions of anger and pain that were literally lodged in my body.

After a series of traumatic life events, I had developed a pattern of bracing against psychological pain, sort of like living in a constant state of heightened alertness, always scanning the horizon for the next threat. Intuitively I understood this related to the pain in my fascia, or the outermost layer of the body, that which is closest to physical impact. My psychological resistance (developed as a self-defense pattern to shield myself) was creating a physical resistance, like an immovable shield in my body, which hurt. Basically, fear hurts. Love heals.

I learned that I stuffed and circumvented emotions so quickly and efficiently that I didn’t even  experience them or know what they were before I tucked them away. I learned to become more fluid with my own emotional experience. I was afraid of my emotions, particularly anger and sadness, and I learned to simply be with them like the flow that life is.

I learned I didn’t love myself. In fact, I carried around a great deal of self-loathing. This also was key to my pain. This lack of love was rooted in judgment, of myself and others, and judgment is an essential component of separation (i.e. living as though we are all separate from one another, from Source, from ourselves). Learning to truly love myself to the core has been at the root of all of my healing at every level.

I learned that people-pleasing cost me dearly. Again, this idea was rooted in a feeling of lack of love or safety, that I need to keep people happy to thrive and ultimately to survive. These kind of attachments are painful at every level as they essentially proclaim a lie which is that we are not infinite and completely connected to our God-source at every moment. Once we move into the understanding of who we are and into the awareness of our truth as infinite beings who are infinitely connected to God, we can easily let go of the need to manipulate others into loving us in order to perpetuate the illusion of our survival.

My need for control was as strong as my need for approval. This was also related to the need to be “right.” In learning that all of life is simply experience (not in essence good or bad, just is), that there is no such thing as control, that being “right” means something else is wrong (and there I am stuck in the lie of judgment and duality again), I began freeing up my energy to live rather than using it to maintain a position. This kind of efforting is an amazing energy drain, and being right and controlling are very costly. These are places where I’m still learning, growing and expanding, but I feel like these bullies have loosened their grip on my spirit (and thus my body) and I can feel the momentum of being all in for taking off into freedom completely.

All of this relates to a life task of mine of learning about what power is and what it is not. I see where I have externalized power (on to other people through a need for approval, being smart or right, or controlling outcomes) and all of this shows up to teach me that there is only one power, and that is the center of me and you as it is connected to God, Source, Universe, whatever you want to call it. Talk about being grateful for the journey. I feel like it has led and is leading me to the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow, and that treasure is Me! I believe in the end that everything that shows up in our lives is here for this purpose – to teach us who we are, to lead us home to us, so that we can live with playful freedom in joy, wonder, peace, and unconditional love for ourselves and the world.

Speaking of the world. So much of the healing love I've experienced has also come from my family and friends (I love you all!!!), from members of churches, from prayers, close friendships, and a network of support that provides a huge helping of divinity onto my life plate every day. I feel steeped in love by those around me, from the closest to the farthest, and I benefit infinitely from that support. 

It’s been quite a ride, and it isn’t over, meaning more infinite fun is yet to come! If anything you've read here has helped, interested, or challenged you, great! If you'd like assistance with your own healing journey,  please feel free to write me with questions (christine_w_elder@comcast.net), to pursue some of the things I’ve mentioned in this article, to seek out alternative methods of healing (I offer quantum energetics in person or by phone), and to share this with your friends and family if you think it might be of assistance to them. Send them the link to this page, or invite them to email or friend request me on facebook. 

All I know is, there is a way. I don’t know what your way is, and I don’t know why your challenges have shown up as they have, but I trust they are here as the best way forward into the core of who you are, that infinite well of wisdom, love and peace that is at the center of each of us. Thanks for listening in and for sharing my journey. Infinite love from my heart to yours as you move forward into freedom, wellness and joy.